Two weeks in the US has equated to two weeks of the question, ¨Where is Misa?¨ The same question that my son Camilo has been popping around in his brain since our separate flights departing Bangkok. The question that awakens him at 2am to screams. The response to this question is simple; he is in Mexico. The why behind this is more complicated and tragic.
A family invites us over for dinner to their house and asks about any allergies that the three of us may have and I clue into the assumption that Misa is with us. It´s an assumption I am grateful for at times. I love having my husband around and I married him for a reason. His easy going attitude and ability to diffuse bombs of conflict by humor make him quite attractive. And that can be added to his constantly encouraging and never competitive (except in sports) energy. He makes a great life partner and amazes me everyday as I observe and engage in his relationship with our son. So because of all of this, I want people to assume Misa is always by my side because that is where he wants to be. But, the assumption hurts at the same time because of the voices that say that he doesn´t belong wherever I am: primarily the US government.
When they ask for Misa, I usually reply that he is in Mexico and he cannot come to the United States. Eyes goes up and chins go down out of curiosity and confusion.
¨Well, why not?¨
¨The US government will not allow him. They have denied his visa attempts.¨
And then the wheels start turning and in most cases, a look of disgusted shock appears on their faces. Head goes back, eyebrows scrunch. And in the best cases, they give their condolences. But with others, they comment on how that doesn´t make sense when we have an open border in the south. Why don´t we just walk across? And to keep the peace between us and within me, I remind them that not everything is as it seems.
¨But my friend married a guy from Brazil and they had no problems moving here.¨
¨You could do what my friend´s husband did. He´s Canadian and had to get paperwork.¨
¨But my in-laws brother moved here when he got married.¨
I am happy for all of these individuals. I am glad it worked out for them. But as you can see, my husband is not by my side.
And we don´t want to move here. At least, not right now. But because we have decided to not pursue immigration, the visa rejects have come upon the assumption that Misa would illegally immigrate. What a paradox. I´m sure we have a long and complicated road ahead of us to get some legal papers. It is probable that Misa will need to try to immigrate in order to visit because they are afraid he will try to visit and will end up immigrating. Yet, at some point we will prevail, I have faith.
I don´t want my children to grow up knowing that their father isn´t wanted along their mom´s side or allowed along theirs. I want my family to witness the special union we have as a couple and a family. I want to be able to respond ¨He´s right here!¨ when those in my contact ask where my husband is. We look forward to heading south of the border this week to reunite.