My Foreign Extremity

I have a freckled alien arm. While my right arm remains unaffected, my left arm persists to be unrecognizable. Almost two months ago it began, I jumped twenty-ish years of life and took on the freckled forearms of my grandmother after a lifetime of hard labor in the sun. I imagine allowing half of my body to cover up while my dominant arm stays exposed as it clutches a hammer. But despite the freckles, my skin remains taught and youthful, unlike the pounded and wrinkled skin of my baby-boomer hero.

To any onlooker, this monologue may seem dramatic. Not even my husband can envision the ¨before¨ and ¨after¨ images. It looks like the same off-white textbook length wing. However, what I see brings me to feel anxiety, fear, hope, excitement, and love. As I gaze upon my foreign-to-me extremity, I can´t separate its presence from the reality of my condition.

They say that my speckled freckles should disappear with time, but my bodily symptoms will only intensify until one day I begin to deflate. My stomach will expand and my feet will whimper at the tightness of my old shoes. I´ll find my wedding ring sitting on the nightstand to prevent its surgical removal. I´ll find the insatiable pit in my stomach will become bottomless. And eventually, it will all end. Like my son´s swimming pool, I will shrink bit by bit, collapsing onto myself until I fit into my box again.

The vessel of my humanness no longer feels like my body. It has everything to do with being inhabited. This is not my abduction, but my offering. I offer up my heart and my love. My vessel has done the rest. Unbalanced my hormones to make me crave an early nap time for my toddler, but providing just what a new budding life needs. My vessel keeps me racing from the kitchen´s scent of onions and chicken, but it gives the right nutrients to the welcomed intruder. And my vessel places brown polka dots around one arm to remind me that for now, each action I take no longer involves only me. 

I will protect this beloved blessing growing inside of me.