The glares shouted at me as we drove off. Irresponsible, despicable, criminal. But really, what was I supposed to do?
After our flight was cancelled due to fog, I gathered up my two year old and waited in line
for two reasons: to be rerouted and to borrow a phone. I´m not sure why an international airport wouldn´t have a courtesy phone, but it made the search longer since my phone was serviced only in Asia and the airport also didn´t have enough wifi signal to use online services. And so after the struggle of phoning a friend and planning our next step, my toddler and I carried out our carry-ons to pick up our suitcases at baggage claim. It became four suitcases and two backpacks between the two of us, a genuine struggle.
And then our next step arrived. A friend with a car hopefully big enough for us and our luggage who would take us to sleep in a cozy warm house. But after loading up what remains of our past home into the vehicle, uncountable stares pointed at us as I crawled in the back seat and shimmied Camilo up onto my lap. Our driver herself is uneasy. No car seat…hefty fines, dangerous, etc. Despite my general feelings of danger when there is no car seat, this fear couldn´t even come across right now. It was only a mile to my aunt’s house to retrieve the seat we borrowed, and no good way to get there.
Everyone around me has created some image. I am a criminal because I am currently breaking the law. I am an irresponsible mom who doesn´t care about her child´s safety. But here´s a confession, I do illegal and unsafe things all the time in other countries.
It´s not something we often share with those who have never lived abroad.
But systems set us up to leave no choice at times. The hospital in Mexico says you can´t leave until your newborn is wrapped up in four blankets peacefully in your arms, not in a child seat. If you slow down for a yellow light in Laos, you will disrupt the peace and possibly be run into behind for your apparent caution and rule following. If you can´t accept not being the legal owner of your vehicle, then you won´t be driving because most foreigners can´t own a car.
I do value the safety of my child and my family. And honestly, I don´t know another caring mother who wouldn´t say the same. But that doesn´t stop me from seeing four children on a motorcycle with mom or toddlers on their parent´s laps at the steering wheel. It doesn´t mean I don´t see children walking to school alone in sketchy areas. Sometimes I still judge them. It is dangerous. But, grace reminds me that I don´t know what I don´t know. Maybe it isn´t so easy to just comply with regulations all the time.
During our time in Mexico, we have never had a car. This has meant taking the public bus (which is dangerous in itself), bicycling (which is dangerous without any culture of cycling), or order taxis. We have done them all. We always try to be our safest when we do so, but there is never a guarantee. I call a taxi after an hour wandering around town with a car seat on my head and the taxi inevitably shows up without seatbelts. What now? Am I a criminal because I don´t have enough phone battery to make another call or time to make the next appointment?
Or we ask for a ride from our friend and after we install the car seat, he makes his kids get into the rear of the car where there are no seats because not everyone fits. It is normal for people here to overload a car, but what’s not normal is that I insist my child ride safely while their´s are at risk.
In Laos, we drove without a license, registration, or insurance. The process to get a license was too complicated and it generally takes longer than one can wait. It was illegal. But having a license had little to do with safety. Just pay the fee and someone will help you through the test. Really, if you find it disgusting…let me just share that most local people don´t have a license either. It´s a risk I would probably never take in the United States, but I joined the 70% in Laos.
I don´t love taking risks. And I do my best to figure out alternative plans, but sometimes I just get stuck and I have to let it be. I have to think in principle rather than abide by strict laws. Have more concern over safety than law. More concern over people and relationships than laws.
