Danger Lurking

It´s Mexico. 

We don´t tell people where we live.

We don´t celebrate with passersby about the business we own.

We don´t buy the dreamy bicycle we want and don´t choose the same route home every day.

We take off our wedding rings when we get on the bus.

We carry an old second phone to hand over when threatened.

We live in houses hidden behind large gates that make the street look empty.

Our adolescents don´t escape through the windows because they are barred up to keep the outside out.

We women don´t go to the bathroom alone.

We don´t go out late at night.

We don´t go off to the mountain alone.

We ask our friends to tell us when they make it home and we expect a response.

We don´t trust law enforcement to come to our rescue.

It´s Mexico.

A whole country full of people on alert, on the look out. Little five year olds ringing the school bell replaying the talk in the car of how to stay safe, how to look out for danger. Generations waiting for the inevitable and hopelessly hoping to prevent its coming. Theft, knife-drawn threats, kidnapping, rape. It´s always present in a mom´s mind and always lurking around some corner.

I´ve never been attacked, thankfully. But I know it´s all around me. A friend´s life is threatened because she got on a public bus and a crummy crew decided to rob them all. The neighbor´s house down the street was broken into with the family fast asleep. The girl from the college campus found in a trash can deceased…probably raped and forced to shut up, followed by a governmental cover-up. The kids in the whatsapp group all missing and enforcement refusing to search. People close to me hurt. Women in my life afraid to live their daily lives.

You see, choosing to live in Mexico isn´t a light decision. Every day we are sacrificing safety, security, and peace. It´s part of the reality of life abroad. Some sacrifices get talked about- being away from family, lack of academic opportunities, etc. But other times we aren´t so open with those we love, it goes too deep. We stay here in Mexico because we love it. After two years in Asia of enjoying leaving my bicycle parked outside of the supermarket while I shopped or not having to question the wisdom behind a morning run, fear crept in with the consideration of a return to Mexico. But, being here is also a relief. The family atmosphere, the culture that feeds you way past full, the hard-working people who aren´t seeking huge returns, the mom and pop shops that know our names and give me cooking tips. And we are back in Misa’s home, the culture he understands and belongs to. What better place to serve and give of ourselves than where we can easily communicate and understand the nuances of culture?

To me, the beauty of this place and the opportunity to serve outweigh the sacrifice. Life feels so full. We feel so loved. It doesn´t feel like it all the time though. It doesn´t feel like it when I take my child on the public bus who whips around traffic and runs through red-lights and then later gets into a fist fight with the police officer who finally pulled him over. It doesn´t feel like it when I get on my bicycle to go out and my face becomes an imploded balloon as trucks and cars pass too quickly and too close. It is hard to accept our place here when we get into an Uber who inconveniently placed a seat cover over the seat-belts and finds the four-second following distance impossible, just as all the other drivers. We take what precautions we can, but it will never be enough. In other places, my plea to God was that we would enjoy the day to fullest, that relationships would flourish, that growth and improvement would escalate. Here, I plead to God that we make it home. 

I dream of a Mexico that can fully be. One that can have its recurring parties with unlimited invites, but without barred windows. I dream of the people being able to explore the stunning mountains, caves, and beaches without the fear that comes with secluded places. I dream of enjoying the flavorful dishes knowing that the woman in the kitchen is treated with love and respect. I dream of a country that has women working without expecting to be violated. I dream that this place could become so safe that I wouldn´t have to hope my unborn child comes out a boy because of fear of what could happen to a girl.