6 Hip Hooray

Well, he was there on my sedated chest and I knew that I loved him, but I didn´t know him. It was a feeling of love that I did not recognize. A love that seemed more mental than felt. I knew I loved that little baby Oliver. My mind reminded me that he was mine. But, I felt like something was missing because when I considered my older boy, the feelings were all there. An unbreakable love. A deep love. Not just a knowledge of my love.

No one warned me about that. I had always believed our love for our children was automatic and equal. But really, how can it be so when I had passed through all the stages of crawling and dressing with Camilo? I had been there through his sickness and 13 hour plane rides. I had nursed him and played for endless hours in the sand with dumptrucks. And then that new baby was just plopped up upon me and I couldn´t even feel him and the only bond I had with him was the numerous kicks I endured to the left side of my tummy.

He was healthy and he was unique and perfect to me. But I still just didn´t know him.

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I´m not sure when the shift happened, but Oliver became full-on mine. Bonds happen gradually as people spend time together, but I don´t think it took long for me to embrace him fully and feel the love I have for him. I´m so thankful for that.

This six month, 20 pound, chubby thighed baby is more than I could have asked for or imagined. He loves to keep sweet potato stocked up in his neck pocket and chuckles with the biggest belly laugh when he successfully strikes my nose with his innocent looking bladed nails. He is silly, super cute, and also stubborn, but not in any of the same ways as his older brother. He laid claim to being his own person.

And although Oliver and Camilo have different temperaments and personalities, Oliver sees his brother as the hero. When he awakes in the wee morning, Oliver never seems to be searching for me right next to him. He gets on all fours and lifts his neck like a dinosaur searching for the squeaky brother. To get a laugh out of Oliver, Camilo only needs to exist. If he makes a face, Oliver laughs. If Camilo comes toward that baby with the force of a rhino and speed of a cheetah, cackles abound. Camilo farts…baby giggles. Camilo picks up a spoon…Oliver is entranced. Camilo spits out the food…baby giggles. 

I wish I had a brother whose mere presence made me an overly satisfied customer at a circus. 

I don´t remember my life without Oliver now. Strange how it happens since he has only been around for 1.7% of my life. But some days I wonder what sorts of things we did when Camilo was little. I try to think of what Misa and I did in early marriage. I don´t recall any of it without special effort. The days when used to wake up at 3am to finish studying are distant. The years of teaching kids who could already wipe their own butts are hidden memories. It was all a different life. 

Today I don´t answer to teacher or student, single or married. I answer to mommy, momma, mamá, and mamita. Becoming a family of 3 was better than just two. But, now with four even more. We are so blessed to have Oliver in our family.